Lost In The Grind

You know those moments you come across in life when you can’t put into words what it is that you are experiencing at that moment in time?  If you are a human being with a pulse and reading this than I am pretty sure you know what I am talking about.  Experiences happen to us everyday, some of the most mundane and trivial moments you think nothing about can mean so much.

Take for example, working the 3rd shift has given me a different perspective on my daily commute into the Washington DC metro area.  Instead of being one of the masses making my way up highway 4, I am making my way out of the city every morning, this is great because I don’t have to fight my way through traffic and deal with all that, but I find myself dealing with the bright sun shining in my face the whole trip home.  Seems there is no happy place for me sometimes, but I think it bothers me so much because by the time I am driving home I am already tired from being awake for at least 12 hours and working all night, so the last thing I want is the sun shining bright in my face telling me it is time to wake up.  I wear a pear of sunglasses and use the visor in my car, but it isn’t enough.  I feel like I am becoming nocturnal which isn’t horrible, besides being awake all night on my days off while my wife sleeps and then falling asleep when she wakes up.  I suppose these are things a lot of shift workers have dealt with and I am just another one added to the list.

I don’t really have an exact purpose for this post, just thinking again as usual.  I have had some pretty elaborate dreams lately, which leave me waking up wanting to write them down.  There doesn’t seem to be a pattern or anything, take for example, the last one I remember quite well where I am with a friend and his family and we are going to this movie theatre that is huge and has 2 screens playing the same movie.  I remember walking into the actual theatre where you sit down and the next thing I know I am floating like a balloon and I begin talking like Sean Connery of all people and saying, “I swear I didn’t rape that woman.”  It was the strangest thing, then we sit down and there are 2 babies on the chairs one of them has a pacifier and the other is crying and my friend gives the baby a pacifier.  I look back to the row behind me and my wife is crying, then the second movie screen stops playing the movie and starts over from the beginning.  I stand up and yell, WHAT THE FUCK!?!?  My friend tells me to sit down and we can watch the movie on both screens with 5 minutes difference between them…makes no sense…I sit down next to my wife and then I wake up.

Yeah, that is the shit I am dreaming about, I have no idea what any of that mess means, but whatever, at least it isn’t a nightmare.

That is the kind of stuff that words just can’t describe, the surreal and reality become mixed up and you don’t know what is a dream and what is real.  I think it is a different level of consciousness.  Similar to the ambien experiences I have had where things aren’t exactly as they seem.  Some people would say perception is reality, but I think it is more than that.  Obviously, what I see, hear, smell, touch and feel I would consider to be my reality, but everyone has their own way of percieving things.  So, what I would say is nice and enjoyable might be mean and annoying to someone else.  I better stop before I go on forever here.

Has anyone had a dream you thought was real and you have made choices in that dream you have regretted and when you wake up you are so relieved?  Something to think about.

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 23rd, 2008 at 9:39 pm and is filed under Life, Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.